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A Contest

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Feb. 21st, 2007 | 09:30 pm

This kerfluffle involving a scrotum
And some nutty librarians
-- note 'em:
You think speech is free?
That's a phallusy.
Bag the words that you want, they won't tote 'em.

I'm still convinced that librarians are, by and large, our friends. In order to make it possible for them to stock that Newberry Award winning book, we need to accustom people to the word "scrotum." To which end, I'm announcing a contest for most creative use of the word "scrotum" in a poem or limerick.

Go nuts in the comments. The deadline is midnight tomorrow.

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Comments {69}

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(no subject)

from: hominysnark
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 12:30 pm (UTC)

All males are attached to a scrotum
(except where sad accident smote ‘em)
But don’t point this out
Lest librarians shout
And your dangly Newberries, demote ‘em.

Reply | Thread


Uh, yeah, so...

from: ammitnox
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:46 pm (UTC)

I like shaved nuts and I cannot lie
You other sisters can’t deny
That when a guy walks in with a pot belly waist
And two round things in your face

You get sprung and you wanna pull up tough
You notice those nuts were stuffed
Deep in the jeans he’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring

Oh babe, I wanna get wit’cha
And take your handsome picture
My girlfriends tried to warn me
But them nuts you got make me so horny

Ooh, soft 'n' smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
Cause you ain’t that average groupie

I’ve seen them dancing
The hell with romancing
Cause he's shaved, paved
Maybe even a little depraved

I’m tired of librarians
Saying hairy is the thing
Take the average white girl and ask her that
He gotta shave that sac

So, ladies, ladies
Has your boyfriend got the nut?
Tell him to shave it, shave it
Shave that hairy nut
Baby got sac

Scrotums are a nice surprise
And when I’m awardin' a prize
I just can’t help myself, I’m acting like an animal
Now here’s my scandal

I wanna get you home
And wo, double-up, wo-oo-wo
I ain’t talking bout Playboy
Cause silicone parts are made for toys

I want ‘em real smooth not stubbly
So find that shaven double
Ammit N’s in trouble
Begging for a piece of that bubble

So I’m looking at Newbery winners
Librarian bimbos censorin' my prose
You can have them bimbos
I’ll keep my scrotums like Oprah

A word to the thick librarians, I wanna get with ya
I might cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna read
Til the break of dawn

Susan got it going on
A lot of conservatives won’t like this song
Cause them punks like to hit it and unshelve it
And I’d rather stay and play

Cause I’m long, and I’m strong
And I’m down to get the fiction on

So, fellas, fellas
If you wanna role in my Mercedes
Then turn around and shave it out
Even white girls got to shout
Baby got sac

Actually when it comes to scrotums, libraries doesn’t have very much at all to do with my selection
I mean, a rattlesnake biting a dog?

So your library pulls a book,
sayin' it just won't work
But free speech's more than just some words on paper

My library don’t want none
Unless some censorin' is done
You can have side burns or a goatee,
But please don’t fur that nut

Some sisters wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the nut ain’t gold
So they toss it and they leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So a censor says you’re bad
Well I ain’t down with that
Cause you're stil educational even if you're medical
The word's just so delicious

To the airhead dames in the libraries:
You ain’t it, Miss Thing
Give me a scrotum, I can’t resist 'em
Gilette Mach 3 didn’t miss 'em

Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cause that book was on my list
He had game but he chose to censor ‘em
And I pull up quick to get wit ‘em

So fellas, if the nut is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-AmmitN
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got sac

Reply | Thread

C. C. Finlay

Re: Uh, yeah, so...

from: ccfinlay
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)

Any chance of seeing your performance of this on, say, youtube?

Reply | Parent | Thread | Expand


Re: Uh, yeah, so...

from: inanna
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:45 pm (UTC)

OMG! This is so bad it is great! Thanks to Shrek my boys love Baby Got Back - this had tears rolling down my face.

Reply | Parent | Thread | Expand

Rose Fox

Re: Uh, yeah, so...

from: rosefox
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 03:32 pm (UTC)


Reply | Parent | Thread

James Stevens-Arce

(no subject)

from: jim0052
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC)

An Illinois man from Pesotum
Was endowed with a generous scrotum
Though big as a Chevy
His balls were not heavy
In fact, in the water, they'd float him

Reply | Thread

(no subject)

from: neversremedy
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC)

Censorship Dictum

Once was a writer who used "scrotum"
But all it got her was sputum
From librarians, you see
Who forgot speech is free
Now children's minds are the victims

Reply | Thread


(no subject)

from: sturgeonslawyer
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:01 pm (UTC)

There once was a book that said "scrotum."
Conservatives said (and I quote 'em)
that word could not be
safe for the fam-i-lee --
And so we'll just have to outvote 'em.

Reply | Thread

and walk away

(no subject)

from: bloodrebel333
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)


Reply | Parent | Thread

Silver Adept

(no subject)

from: silveradept
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)

Reading all these tickles the funny bone. And thus:

The last time that I checked,
If I hear "My scrotum's been wrecked!",
I don't ask why,
This particular guy,
Was being anatomically correct.

It's not nearly as poetic as some of the other offerings, but it's hopefully at least true.

Reply | Thread


(no subject)

from: kip_w
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)

A haughty library factotum
Said "Nuts to the writer of 'scrotum.'"
So we said 'nuts!' right back
And we gave her the sack --
(Far worse things come over the modem.)

Reply | Thread


(no subject)

from: thatmadgirl
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)

So some people hate books that say, "Scrotum."
And disrespect the nice lady who wrote 'em
But their balls must be massive
For them to be such jackasses
They'll need that huge ball-sac to tote 'em

Reply | Thread


(no subject)

from: anniegee
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 02:42 pm (UTC)

I think I'm past the deadline, and I didn't compose this, but all this kerfuffle reminds me of a song I once knew...

Scrotum! Scrotum!
Happy little bag of skin!
Scrotum! Scrotum!
Keeps your little testes in!
Scrotum! Scrotum!
Come along and play with 'em!

(accompanied by hand-claps and a cheery little tune...)

Reply | Thread


(no subject)

from: erastes
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC)

I know I'm late, and I don't mind and all that but I wanted to join in and voice my approval of this post and say how great all the poems are!

Here's mine.

"It's a scrotum, dear boy," said his mother.
"But it's rude, so you must use another,
"Call them cobblers or balls,
"Or male profiteroles,
"But with scrotum you'll piss off Big Brother."

Reply | Thread

scrotal poetry

from: anonymous
date: May. 22nd, 2007 01:53 pm (UTC)

Patron's book is causing no small flak
(Even though it won Newbery's wall plaque)
If a word's too puristic
The prudes go ballistic,
And soon, they'll be taking my Balzac.

Reply | Thread