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A Contest

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Feb. 21st, 2007 | 09:30 pm

This kerfluffle involving a scrotum
And some nutty librarians
-- note 'em:
You think speech is free?
That's a phallusy.
Bag the words that you want, they won't tote 'em.

I'm still convinced that librarians are, by and large, our friends. In order to make it possible for them to stock that Newberry Award winning book, we need to accustom people to the word "scrotum." To which end, I'm announcing a contest for most creative use of the word "scrotum" in a poem or limerick.

Go nuts in the comments. The deadline is midnight tomorrow.

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Comments {76}

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Liz

(no subject)

from: ammitnox
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:51 am (UTC)
Link

Will you accept "scrotal"?

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C. C. Finlay

(no subject)

from: ccfinlay
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:58 am (UTC)
Link

Of course!

And any other variation you wish to use.

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Lucy Snyder

(no subject)

from: las
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:14 am (UTC)
Link

Testy technicals: the testicles'
sac is the scrotum, sags
swaying gently 'twixt legs
above knees, needs gentle
cool groinal breeze
to keep sperm perky.

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sallytuppence

(no subject)

from: sallytuppence
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:22 am (UTC)
Link

I am the library factotum.
A word is deleted here: "--"

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David Reagan

(no subject)

from: coolmajaka
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:32 am (UTC)
Link

Yeah they're the besties
Those double trouble testes
Daily I dote on em
Cheers to my scrotum
Thumbs up, also, to breasties

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Bob

(no subject)

from: yourbob
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:45 am (UTC)
Link

To protect future children from harm
where sperm doesn’t like it so warm,
male mammals have a sack
between front and back,
the scrotum holds balls like a charm

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(Deleted comment)

Kenaz

(no subject)

from: kenazfiction
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
Link

The best one yet!!! :D

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Rose Fox

(no subject)

from: rosefox
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
Link

Dingly-dangly
Newbery Medalists
Love to say "scrotum"
Which some find uncouth.

I say the libraries'
Antitesticular
Stance hides a little too
Much from our youth.

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(Deleted comment)

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananphone

Here via cmpriest!

from: lubedpumpkin
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:22 am (UTC)
Link

Great Hercules cavorted with ease,
His codpiece flapping in the breeze.
When asked, "Why so jolly?"
He replied, "'Tis no folly!"
"Just airing my great Testicles!"

*bows*

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Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananphone

Re: Here via cmpriest!

from: lubedpumpkin
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:26 am (UTC)
Link

Of course, I didn't use the word scrotum in there at all, did I? Well, when I'm on a roll... :]

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Leah Bobet

(no subject)

from: leahbobet
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:32 am (UTC)
Link

Scrotum
(a sonnet)

The English language moves, akin to sperm
in ways mysterious to contemplate;
Each phrase for manly parts, it has its term:
its rise and fall, its length and width and date.
But what if a once rigid word must fall
and cease to stand erect betwixt our lips?
Vernacular is brought low, that once tall
graced page and tongue -- our very language trips.
Where else do balls belong but libraries?
O bastions of collegiate night romance
Where 'tween stacks of dusty philosophies
The gentle scrotum 'scapes so oft its pants?
So mock not the kindly word, the sweet scrota
But pronounce it daily, weekly: set a quota.

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Marsha

(no subject)

from: msisolak
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:41 am (UTC)
Link

*applauds wildly*

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(Deleted comment)

Rae Carson

(no subject)

from: raecarson
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:50 am (UTC)
Link

Your huge soft walnut
Sweet scrotal fruit in my teeth
Wait. Not mine. The snake's.

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Leah Bobet

(no subject)

from: leahbobet
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:52 am (UTC)
Link

Hah!

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(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)

Marsha

(no subject)

from: msisolak
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 05:08 am (UTC)
Link

Woo! I am so proud... so pleased....

*sheds a tear*

And to think it was all my fault. (Well, after Charlie came up with the challenge, of course. But I won't blame him at all. Nosiree.)

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(Deleted comment)

Kevin

(no subject)

from: kmkibble75
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:12 am (UTC)
Link

I suck at poems... how about I just say that I decided to save the mints the Doctor gave me for my aching belly? Yes, I escrow Tums.

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j_d_finch

(no subject)

from: j_d_finch
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:39 am (UTC)
Link

In musty libraries with many factotums
(Still precious few are possessors of scrotums)
Yet some bagless cuties
In their bibliophile duties
Get testy with books and demote 'em.

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Mister Eclectic

(no subject)

from: howeird
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:50 am (UTC)
Link

Those Newberry people are fickle
They cut usage of words to a trickle
To try the word "scrotum"
Is just what is owed 'em
So let's send them all a test tickle.

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Marissa Lingen

(no subject)

from: mrissa
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 12:08 pm (UTC)
Link

This is just for the snake to say--
I have bitten
the scrotum
that was on
your dog

And which
he was probably
hoping
I wouldn't.

Forgive me
it was so delicious
so salty
and somewhat cooler than the ambient body temperature.

Sorry. The WCW thing, it goes on autopilot some mornings.

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Rae Carson

(no subject)

from: raecarson
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC)
Link

*mrisloff*

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HominySnark

(no subject)

from: hominysnark
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 12:30 pm (UTC)
Link

All males are attached to a scrotum
(except where sad accident smote ‘em)
But don’t point this out
Lest librarians shout
And your dangly Newberries, demote ‘em.

Reply | Thread

Liz

Uh, yeah, so...

from: ammitnox
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:46 pm (UTC)
Link

I like shaved nuts and I cannot lie
You other sisters can’t deny
That when a guy walks in with a pot belly waist
And two round things in your face

You get sprung and you wanna pull up tough
You notice those nuts were stuffed
Deep in the jeans he’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring

Oh babe, I wanna get wit’cha
And take your handsome picture
My girlfriends tried to warn me
But them nuts you got make me so horny

Ooh, soft 'n' smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
Cause you ain’t that average groupie

I’ve seen them dancing
The hell with romancing
Cause he's shaved, paved
Maybe even a little depraved

I’m tired of librarians
Saying hairy is the thing
Take the average white girl and ask her that
He gotta shave that sac

So, ladies, ladies
Has your boyfriend got the nut?
Tell him to shave it, shave it
Shave that hairy nut
Baby got sac

Scrotums are a nice surprise
And when I’m awardin' a prize
I just can’t help myself, I’m acting like an animal
Now here’s my scandal

I wanna get you home
And wo, double-up, wo-oo-wo
I ain’t talking bout Playboy
Cause silicone parts are made for toys

I want ‘em real smooth not stubbly
So find that shaven double
Ammit N’s in trouble
Begging for a piece of that bubble

So I’m looking at Newbery winners
Librarian bimbos censorin' my prose
You can have them bimbos
I’ll keep my scrotums like Oprah

A word to the thick librarians, I wanna get with ya
I might cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna read
Til the break of dawn

Susan got it going on
A lot of conservatives won’t like this song
Cause them punks like to hit it and unshelve it
And I’d rather stay and play

Cause I’m long, and I’m strong
And I’m down to get the fiction on

So, fellas, fellas
If you wanna role in my Mercedes
Then turn around and shave it out
Even white girls got to shout
Baby got sac

Actually when it comes to scrotums, libraries doesn’t have very much at all to do with my selection
I mean, a rattlesnake biting a dog?

So your library pulls a book,
sayin' it just won't work
But free speech's more than just some words on paper

My library don’t want none
Unless some censorin' is done
You can have side burns or a goatee,
But please don’t fur that nut

Some sisters wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the nut ain’t gold
So they toss it and they leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it

So a censor says you’re bad
Well I ain’t down with that
Cause you're stil educational even if you're medical
The word's just so delicious

To the airhead dames in the libraries:
You ain’t it, Miss Thing
Give me a scrotum, I can’t resist 'em
Gilette Mach 3 didn’t miss 'em

Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cause that book was on my list
He had game but he chose to censor ‘em
And I pull up quick to get wit ‘em

So fellas, if the nut is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-AmmitN
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got sac

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C. C. Finlay

Re: Uh, yeah, so...

from: ccfinlay
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
Link

Any chance of seeing your performance of this on, say, youtube?

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James Stevens-Arce

(no subject)

from: jim0052
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
Link

An Illinois man from Pesotum
Was endowed with a generous scrotum
Though big as a Chevy
His balls were not heavy
In fact, in the water, they'd float him

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♥Raven, a Voluptuary

(no subject)

from: neversremedy
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC)
Link

Censorship Dictum

Once was a writer who used "scrotum"
But all it got her was sputum
From librarians, you see
Who forgot speech is free
Now children's minds are the victims

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(Deleted comment)

sturgeonslawyer

(no subject)

from: sturgeonslawyer
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:01 pm (UTC)
Link

There once was a book that said "scrotum."
Conservatives said (and I quote 'em)
that word could not be
safe for the fam-i-lee --
And so we'll just have to outvote 'em.

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and walk away

(no subject)

from: bloodrebel333
date: Feb. 23rd, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)
Link

:D

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Silver Adept

(no subject)

from: silveradept
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Link

Reading all these tickles the funny bone. And thus:

The last time that I checked,
If I hear "My scrotum's been wrecked!",
I don't ask why,
This particular guy,
Was being anatomically correct.

It's not nearly as poetic as some of the other offerings, but it's hopefully at least true.

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kip_w

(no subject)

from: kip_w
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
Link

A haughty library factotum
Said "Nuts to the writer of 'scrotum.'"
So we said 'nuts!' right back
And we gave her the sack --
(Far worse things come over the modem.)


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Casey

(no subject)

from: thatmadgirl
date: Feb. 22nd, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
Link

So some people hate books that say, "Scrotum."
And disrespect the nice lady who wrote 'em
But their balls must be massive
For them to be such jackasses
They'll need that huge ball-sac to tote 'em

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