Out of Context!

"Out of Context" was a panel at last month's ConText in Columbus, Ohio. Sure, sure, all of you are just recovering from World Fantasy, but it's taken me a month to recover from ConText. Never mind that I came down with a fever the first day of the con and couldn't shake it for six days, then spent the next couple weeks recovering, dealing with sick kids, nooooo.....

Do I sound bitter? Did I maybe spend too much time at Bittercon?

So, "Out of Context" is an SFnal variation on the board game Balderdash. Odd words from works of science fiction and fantasy are taken out of context (thus, the rather obvious title) and panelists are asked to give definitions and use them in a sentence from the "story." The original was mixed in with the fakes and the audience had to vote on which definition was real.

I was already falling prey to the fever and about as funny as, well, about as funny as I am when I'm not sick, only with way less manic energy to cover it up. Fortunately for the good-sized crowd that showed up, we had brilliant panelists! They were Diana Dru Botsford digitalred93, Tobias Buckell tobiasbuckell, Paul Melko paulmelko, and Liz Zernechel lzernechel. Deborah Layne wheatlandpress was supposed to be our fifth panelist, but life got in the way and she had to cancel at the last minute. Weep for the loss.

I got to be moderator because I went looking for all the original words. It certainly wasn't for the quality of my patter.

Just as in the actual panel, the answers are shuffled randomly below and under the cut-tags. You're welcome to use the comments section to guess who wrote what and guess the real answer for each word. Googling may help you find some of the originals, but it won't help you guess Paul from Diana, or Toby from Liz.

Round 1! Nekron.

a. An apron for the neck worn by the alien race known as the Nekrites.

The Nekrite draped the nekron over its six-foot-long neck as it lifted the bundt cake from the solar oven.

b. The ninth planet in the binary system known as Numeria.

The treeship swung past Nekron on its way out of the Numerian system.

c. The form of a robot in Africa meant to protect dying giraffes from poachers in 2210.

Sam watched the nekron through his binoculars. The only way to tell them apart from giraffes was by the red eyes.

d. A new form of matter.

"The nekron," he said. "It's growing. It will never stop growing, until... until our world is like theirs, dead matter. Inert. Nekronic. I call it that because it is death."

e. A reanimated cyborg corpse.

He grabbed the nekron's arm and used it to beat Roger over the head. The hand was still flipping him off.

Round 2: Narapoia.

a. On a generation ship, a designated time for children to gather and listen to stories of the mythical "earth".

The ship's internal systems hummed with anticipation, for narapoia was its favorite time of the week.

b. The martial art of leaps and bounds in a low gee environment.

Zee was a student of narapoia. He leaped over heads, bounced off walls. The only time he stopped practice was when Sarah head-butted him in the crotch by accident during an unfortunate leap.

c. Uncontrollable flatulence experienced by astronauts as pressure changes.

The chronic narapoia of Rimkov and his fellow astronauts left the space station a foul, stinking refuge in the void.

d. A mental illness.

This new disorder had symptoms opposite from paranoia -- he could call it narapoia.

e. The champion zero gee dancer from the Karton system.

Narapoia leapt for the sidewall, twisting her torso in time to miss the other dancer's kick to her head. She crouched into a ball and dived for the nearest porthole, ready to win again.

Round 3: Blunzer.

a. An uncertainty machine.

The idea behind the blunzer is to magnify the Planck length all the way up to one meter. So for a few seconds you'll be in a total zone of uncertainty.

b. A compulsory move in the zero gee sexual olympics.

He blunzered too soon, coming out of the triple finn with no breath to maintain his position.

c. The terraforming of Vestibule IV.

Five hundred years after the terraforming began, Vestibule IV was known only as "The Blunzer."

d. A blunt-headed lazer pistol.

She beat him over the head with his own large blunzer.

e. A troubled elf whose parents have been abducted by the horrid sorceress Gozimela.

Blunzer leapt onto the dragon's back, plunging his eldritch sword into its thorny hide. The foul creature bellowed. With a gasp it fell to the ground. Dead.

Round 4: Skaranyi.

a. The offspring produced from the union of a Schroedinger cat and a normal cat.

In one universe the skaranyi yawned; in another, it licked its crotch.

b. A miniature bagpipe.

He'd play the krodatch, and if you failed to challenge his audacity with a passage on the skaranyi, a devilish instrument, then he'd play his hymerkin.

c. A Swedish ice planet.

"We landed on Skaranyi, but within minutes the frost giants forced our hasty departure."

d. A race of lizards living in Delta quadrant.

Their blue-green tails whipped fiercely. It wasn't until the first man fell dead that they realized the skaranyi excreted poison.

e. The ruling race of the planet Skaran.

Twin pools of light reflected on the Skaranyi's silver tongue.

Round 5: Maquillion.

a. A rope-and-leather contraption strapped beneath a dragon to collect its feces.

The aft rope of the maquillion snapped and rank dragon shit splattered on Bullor's army below.

b. A flower craved by humans for its nutrients after World War IV.

The price of maquillion skyrocketed in Chicago to three hundred dollars a leaf, although in the Salt Flats outside Salt Lake where it grew wild the going rate was two dollars.

c. An irresponsible genius.

"Dr. Browder, that holuminate could have made us powerful, rich, and famous! You are an irresponsible idiot -- a dumb maquillion!"

d. Designation for numbers larger than ten in a tribe of New Patella.

"How many men attacked your village?"
"A maquillion," the bloody Patellan said.
"What?"
"He means more than ten," I explained. "Their English ain't so good."

e. A unit of measure: a million billion.

The nets had dropped. A micro-sliver of a hole, just large enough to grab the money and run. Should she take a million? A billion? Nah, why not be greedy. She rerouted a maquillion credits to her account on Alpha-max. Then sat there, her hands shaking.

Round 6: Ulsio.

a. An artificial womb used to breed zero gee courtesans.

The last ulsio had broken down. It'd be at least six cycles before Jak would have new gals to work the ceilings.

Damn, he thought. It's hard to be a pimp.

b. A hybrid game mixing horseshoes and hockey.

Another patient checked into the New Delhi ER with his eye swollen shut. "Ulsio?"

c. A person's double from another universe.

The ulsio laughed at the same time Judy did. "Shut up," they said together. "Stop it!" they said.

Judy and the ulsio stared at each other, then spun and stalked off in opposite directions.

d. An ulcer-reducing tablet.

"In this high-stress environment, you need Ulsio!"

e. A Martian rat.

The ulsio was the most ferocious beast I had ever seen. He had knocked off two of its six legs, an ear, and most of its teeth before the ferocity of its attacks abated.

And the tie-breaker round 7! Thushol.

a. A fuel derived from liquified thush trees.

The jeep sputtered out, low on thushol, as it climbed the dune.

b. A gorferdin's firdo.

"We'd been ginking about above Throd when the gorferdin started igging and Hurd got the firdo and ran."

c. Parasites made out of protoplasm.

All life is based on one thing, protoplasm. The thushol are built out of protoplasm, but it's infinitely more adaptable protoplasm.

d. A disease causing a rash around the crotch and a sweetness of the breath.

The stranger exhaled and Wendy caught a whiff of the honey-sick odor. He had thushol. No wonder he was walking funny.

e. A gnome tribe in the Thusholian Forest.

The Thushol were small brown creatures with knobby elbows and knees, and large brown eyes.

And that's that! This year's game ended in a tie. For the sake of suspense, I won't say who until I post the answers to the words.

Thanks to the ConText folks -- especially las, flaggerx, and jlrobinette -- for letting us have some fun. Thanks also to Steven Silver and Rich Horton, who were my consultants on obscure SF terms. I've already got a stash of other words and I'm hoping we get to do this again next year.